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Last night, I had occasion to talk to another newly married wife. We came to this conclusion: there are things we wish we’d been warned about before getting married. None of them are things that would’ve changed our minds, but they are things that fall into that elusive “would’ve been nice to know” category.

Because of that, and because there are several single women who read my blog, I have compiled a list of things I would’ve liked to know.

1. Flatulence. Everyone passes gas, you say. It’s no big deal, you say. It is a big deal, when you’re sleeping and there’s an uncommonly awful stench. And, you know what else? Men think it’s funny. They might pretend to apologize, and they might even really mean it, but it won’t stop them from laughing about it.

2. It’s extremely difficult to sleep in bed with someone else, at least for me. You get these visions of coziness and cuddling and love. In actuality, someone is in your bed. And they take up space. And they roll over a lot. And they get up to go to the bathroom at 2:37 AM. And it takes a long time to get used to. As in, I’m still not used to it.

3. Nothing is really yours anymore. You can’t just make plans the way you did when you were single. You can’t just befriend anyone, male or female the way you did when you were single. On the plus side, you do get to bow out of things you don’t want to do sometimes by gently shoving your spouse under the bus.

4. You’re not going to have blissfully romantic sex every day. Or any sex every day. Sometimes you’re too tired. Or you’re just really not in the mood. Or sometimes, you know that you have to do it anyway, so you find a way to rally, and it’s sufficient, but it’s just not this blissful marathon of intimacy. And sometimes, we have to schedule it. It’s not that either of us don’t want to do it a lot. It’s that we also have the rest of life to contend with.

5. Marriage is hard enough that I’d never tell people it’s the best thing in life. It’s hard. There is much compromise and working through things. There’s also much (more than the other) laughter and it’s nice to have someone that’s always on my side, but I’d never want to elevate it higher than it should be. It’s definitely not appropriate to elevate my status. I’m a wife. I have to work at it. A lot. As in, all the time. And it’s hard. And I know understand what Paul was talking about when he said that married women have to have their attention divided.
Those are my top four. I’d love to hear yours. Especially women who have had much longer marriages than mine, is there anything you’d warn me and other new wives and single women looking to get married about?

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2 responses »

  1. There probably won’t be Breakfast in bed. Even on your birthday, or Mother’s Day.

    Taking showers together isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Unless you have a big shower. Other wise you’re just fighting for water.

    Men are big babies. Even Marine Men. If they get sick, prepare to coddle, prepare three soups and check for fevers.

    There will be things you just don’t understand about each other that drive you crazy. These things will take time to adapt to, even though you may not do it soon. Don’t let these build a wall between you. Take time to accept the other person as they are, and pray they will do the same for you and the fact that you LIKE to leave your clothes in a line to the bed. They’re easier to wear the next day if they’re closer to throw on.

  2. You see, I don’t believe in food in bed, so I’m not too worried about that one. Food in bed really bothers me.

    I have a real problem with the whole accepting some things, thing. Like, I can accept the big stuff, you know, sin struggles,dating history, etc. But I don’t like how he does dishes. Or wipes down the counters. Or, fill-in-the-blank. So instead, I choose to do everything myself and then get mad that he’s not helping me. It’s super mature. Really.

    We learned the shower thing on our honeymoon. Not only do you need a big shower, you need multiple showerheads. Otherwise, he’s just cold.

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