The Bible has some things to say about marriage. Proverbs 31 talks about the wife of noble character bringing “him good not harm.” The rest of the chapter talks about a woman who loves her family, who strives to do right be them, to feed them, protect them, and provide for them.
I’m not advocating a life of abject doormat-ness. Since that’s not even a word, it’s impossible to support the idea. I am a champion of submitting to your husband. And it’s hard. It’s hard for everyone, but I can safely say that it’s extremely hard when you’ve been on your own, as an adult, for years. It’s hard, but it’s the right thing.
I said all that to say this: older wives, please don’t complain about your husbands to me, incessantly. Please don’t tell me that you wish you could be in my situation where your husband travels a lot. Please don’t complain about having to have sex with your husband. See, I’m newly married. I’m still learning all of this. I would wager that even those women who’ve been married for decades are still learning. I don’t need to have your dirty laundry bringing me down. In addition, despite my limited time as a wife, I can tell you one thing: your husband picks up on that. Your husband can tell if you don’t want to be with him, if you find him burdensome, if you no longer wish to maintain a physical relationship with him. It’s like with any relationship: it takes some work. It’s not always fun work.
And yes, I realize that I’m horrifically newly married, that I don’t know what a long term marriage is like, and that I’m still pretty smitten with my groom. But I also know that we don’t have a perfect marriage. I know that we have fights and that they’re not so pretty. And I know that the times that I’ve failed to cherish my marriage, that I’ve failed to cherish my husband and build him up, are the times that they’ve been the worst.
So ladies, be the bigger person. And for the love, stop maligning marriage and sex and your husbands to young wives. It’s hard enough out here.