I am good at being sad with people. I can mourn with the best of them. I can’t always cry, but I can always help you complain, grieve, and mourn. I’m not so hot at rejoicing with others. I’m pretty fantastic at rejoicing with myself, and even rejoicing with others who have gotten things that I don’t want, but I’m fairly inept at rejoicing with people when they get good gifts from God that are things that I want. I believe this is called jealousy and it’s ugly. I don’t like that I’m like this, and I suppose that acknowledging my inability to be genuinely happy and joyful for people is the first step in allowing God to fix that part of my heart.
Just this week, I’ve seen good friends have a baby, other good friends have health insurance for the first time in years, another friend get a new job, a good friend work at the Christian camp that I love and that I was fired from two years ago (and yes, the being fired was my fault, but that doesn’t make me want to be there any less.) These are just a few of the things that God is using to teach me. In my head, I know that I want to be happy for these people, but my emotions don’t seem to respond.
I’ve got to tell you, being sad is painful. It’s exhausting and it’s a ridiculous way to live. I know that God wants me to learn a great deal about perspective because I have a huge problem with seeing the bigger picture and with getting outside of myself. I certainly hope I can learn this lesson before things get too much more difficult.
“…rejoice with those who rejoice…”